On Self Care; How to Use Your Support System
Phew. What a week. Thank you for hanging in there for all of these blogs that specifically target influencers, photographers, and bloggers. If you aren’t in that category, I’ll be back to catering to you next week. But I want to finish out this series with (maybe) the most important aspect of blogging success: Your Support System.
The people around you can either build you or break you, mend you or tear you apart, fund you or suck you dry. Your friends can either support you, despise you, or fester in jealousy. Your family can seek to understand you, help you, or maybe neglect you. The people that were in your life before your blogging venture have now been redefined to who they are to you now, when you need them in a different way.
Not only was Rome not built in a day, Rome was not built by one lone soldier. If one person were ever to set out to “erect a building” or “build an empire” or “make a million dollars”, it was NOT without the help of other people. Even if it’s the person who makes your double shot Americano on ice every morning and has it ready for you at the Starbucks counter 6:45AM on the dot… they are still a PIVOTAL part of your success-process.
I want to go over a few things.First,your existing fam, second, the team you built (or will build), and third, your own gosh dang will power.
ONE : THE ONE’S YOU’VE GOT
Okay, so you’ve started your blog/Instagram and you’re kicking away. Maybe some of your friends and family think it is just something that will “blow over” and a passing fad in the plethora of creative activities you shower yourself with. Maybe you knew they’d support you all along, maybe you knew that they wouldn’t. Whatever the case may be, you’re here, standing at the bottom, wondering how on earth you are going to get to the top, looking around you saying, “shiz, this is going to be a lot of work, and I need support.”
Sorry to burst your bubble but support does not come natural to most. Especially… when they don’t understand your goal. Even if you wrote out your goal on paper, in the beginning stages, none of us know exactly what we want or are going to want… andwe have no idea how to get there.
When I first started taking photos for my blog, I asked every single friend I had to help out. Like, every single one. Probably 10 random people with little to no photo skills helped me take photos. The photos seemed rushed and they were all, just “okay”. I mean, my family and friends did well… but I gave little direction and had little “purpose” with my photo sessions.
It only took a month or so before my close “confidants” were kind of “over it” and tired of this blogging craze I’d got into. The truth of the matter is, you just can’t rely on your family to carry you up the mountain. They have other obligations and passions that they need to tend to.
So, what are you saying, Chelsea? Give up on them? No! there is a difference between “moral support” and “involved support.” I don’t doubt for a second that my family ever doubted me and my passion, but truthfully, you don’t want to drain them… and also, using them is going to drain you. I had a friend tell me a few weeks ago that she knows a blogger who is pretty successful. The friend saw that she was making these amazing falafels on facebook and rushed to text her. “Oh my goodness, I would LOVE to try one of your falafels, can me and my kid come over and visit?” “Sure,” my friend said. This girl arrived, camera ready, matching her kid, with the DSLR in hand. My friend could see what was happening from a mile away. She just wanted to hang out with her to get content. She just wanted a cute photo to post with one of her amazing falafels, not actual quality time appreciating her and her creation. Hearing this story made me cringe; shoot! Bloggers. We all have done this. I’m a victim to this myself. I mean like, what’s wrong with hanging out with someone and asking them to take a few “quick pics.” Well, a lot of things. If you were an accountant, would you want your friends bringing over their taxes so you could “take a quick peek” while you’re getting drinks? Probably not. Just like my mom (doctor) kinda hates being called by friends when their kids have a medical issue. She’s just like “take your kid into the ER or call your own pediatrician, geez!” No one likes to be taken advantage of, and no one likes to think they are being used.
So this leads me to a few points.
First, try to be aware. Very self aware. Using your friends and family to help is one thing but, if they really HATE doing it, don’t make them help.
Second, and most importantly; realize that there ARE people out there that WANT to help. If you need someone to create content with you, why don’t you find someone who ACTUALLY wants to do the same. When I first started blogging, I got in touch with a few local bloggers who have become some of my closest confidants. We trade for photos, ideas, and vent to each other about the blogging game frequently. The last thing Trevor wants to hear about is how X worked better than Z and how Y will work better next time. He just doesn’t care. Nothing wrong with it, it’s just not his thing. AND you can’tchange people.
This leads me to two.
TWO : THE TEAM YOU BUILD
Forget your existing family and friends. If they don’t want to be apart of it, don’t “ditch” them, just keep them around for the things you already had them around for! Find OTHER people to be the photographer, dreamer, business consultant, and blog editor. It may take a little searching and asking around, but maybe there is someone you know trying to be a photographer and they need practice. Maybe you have a friend with the same size shoe who will let you borrow some for your upcoming shoot. You may have to do some networking and stepping outside of your comfort zone to really make this dream team possible. But, it’s not only worth it… it’s practically necessary for ANY amount of success.
To find other bloggers in my area, I searched the hash tag #portlandblogger and DM’d like 20 girls. So many of them responded and I’ve learned so much from them. Heck, I’m shooting with one of them tomorrow. There is something so effortless about working with someone who is trying to do the same thing. It just doesn’t even feel like work.
THREE: YOUR OWN SELF
Okay, so your family and friends aren’t cutting it. You can’t get ahold of anyone in the blog scene. What in the heck are you supposed to do? YOU. DO. IT.
YOU make it happen.
I’m sorry, but no one is stopping you from blogging about your outfit in your floor length mirror at home. Actually, statistically, selfies like that do better than outdoor photos in the stats. If you don’t have the time, money, resources, friends, blogger world, etc. to make pro photos happen…
DO IT YOURSELF.
Last week, I needed some photos and I had to be out in Tigard for a meeting. I had an extra hour or so. I brought my tripod, my DSLR, some outfit changes and I legitimately took photos with a timer. (so embarrassing, but I’m never going to see those random people in that parking lot ever again so, so what). I had a 12 year old girl take a photo of me in front of the donut shop. I went out and made it happen, without ANYONE ELSE.
This is the kind of grit you need. This is the type of gumption that will help you stay in the game. At the end of the day, NO ONE is stopping you but YOU. No one is holding you up. Unless you are still using a flip phone, your CAMERA is not holding you back. Truly, honestly, all I hear is excuses. I started this blog when I was working 7:00AM to 7:00PM in finance and I still made it happen. There is no one in this world who is going to do YOUR WORK but YOU. If you don’t have it in you, it will show quickly. If you rely on others to give you your stamina, your inspiration, your might, your beef, your drive… then it’s only a matter of time before they will LET YOU DOWN. This isn’t meant to be a Tony Robbins speech, this is only words of pure truth. It’s 9:56PM on a Thursday night and I’m writing this blog because I committed to it, I promised it, I owe it to you and to myself to follow through with my intentions. I’m not watching the bachelor, I’m not scrolling Instagram or taking a hot, long bath. I’m writing. I’m writing because writing is what I want to do and no one is going to stop me.
Last week, a close friend REALLY got me down. I mean like, REALLY tried to take the wind out of my sails. I was saddened, upset, distraught, and had to take to my guitar to write a saga about it. The next day my boss walked in (at my part time job) and said “our commissions are getting cut in half and we can’t afford to have a part time 3rdperson anymore.” It was a rough 24 hours. I walked straight out of that office with a box of my stuff and went straight home to get ready for a shoot. I didn’t let it phase me at all. I make most of my money in other ways, so I’m not worried about that… but you know, there are a lot of people in my life that let situations and circumstances change their ability to exercise their will power. YOU ARE BIGGER THAN THAT. Take those down days and use them to CHARGE you UP. Take those haters and use their words to FIRE YOU UP. You be the boss.You be the one to decide what will happen in your future.
Own it. Become it. Fight for it.
At the end of the day, your support system is STARING YOU BACK IN THE MIRROR.
Well, dear computer, forgive me for typing on you SO DANG HARD, but I am so passionate about this point.
Inspiration will come and go. Friends will support you and then suddenly won’t. Don’t rely on anyone to make your future a success.
You are the one…. The ONLY one who can truly make it happen NO MATTER WHAT.
Amen? Amen.
So, yeah, I told you Rome wasn't built by ONE person and it's true, you can't do EVERYTHING alone and you can't make THE WHOLE THING happen alone... but at the end of the day, nothing will fall into place without YOU being the force that brings it all together.
Hope you all have a wonderful, amazing, spectacular Friday. I'm going to take the weekend off, so I'll see you Monday with a new post!
Xoxo
